Today in news that could only be less relevant to millennials if it also mentioned “how to get the most out of your retirement fund,” the United States Post Office has announced that it will soon be selling a special Elvis Presley CD that includes a brand-new commemorative Elvis stamp. For any readers who really are millennials, a stamp is like a little sticker with a picture of an eagle (or Elvis) on it that you put on an envelope when you need to mail something—which is a lot like e-mailing something, except a government worker shows up at your house and then physically delivers it to the other person’s house. Also, a CD is a thing that holds music, much like mp3s or the cassette tapes that you ironically listen to.
Unfortunately, the Elvis CD is just an average greatest-hits showcase, and not a collection of all the classic songs that Elvis wrote about the post office. Who could forget beloved hits like “Blue Suede Mailman Shorts,” ”(Post Office) In The Ghetto,” “Can’t Help Falling Into The Mail Slot,” “You’re The Mailman In Disguise,” and “Love Letters.” (That last one is real!) As for the included stamp, it will feature a black-and-white photo of young Elvis, long before he was the cape-wearing karate master who took over Las Vegas.
The commemorative stamp and CD set will be available at select post offices starting on August 12.