Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Let Kirk Cameron explain to you how to talk to the gays

Hello, fellow righteous Christian soldier! How goes another day of walking the good path of zealously enforcing outdated prejudices? Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy, we’re guessing! Not that we’re presuming to know whether there’s currently one set of footprints or two in the sand for you, of course, ha ha! Can we plan on seeing you Saturday night at the annual sock hop lock-in to raise money for buying and burning all existing copies of The Birdcage? Great!

But let us rap at you for a minute, broheim. Let’s “talk turkey,” as we’re pretty sure the kids say when they’re Friendstering on their Zunes. We can guess what you’re thinking: “I need a refresher on Kirk Cameron’s fundamental views on sexuality.” That’s it, isn’t it? After all, Kirk Cameron’s been so busy fighting the Islamic hackers who want to destroy Christmas, it’s easy to forget his warmhearted, sensible thoughts on “the gays”! Well, luckily, some noble soul on Youtube—they call themselves “Deeper Understanding,” so they must be truly on our side—has uploaded a video compiling all sorts of Cameron’s divinely-inspired quips and comments on what to do about those souls bearing Sodom’s curse. Sure, it may be edited to come across as a rapid-fire exposé on the ultimate hollowness and hilarity of Cameron’s bigotry, but hey, that’s the price we pay for clinging to a deeply misconstrued value system! Bigoted high-five!