Ending a weeks-long nationwide drought of James Franco that has left our starved mental plains cracked and sere, TV Guide has confirmed that James Franco will once again fold in upon himself to play the mysterious performance artist “Franco” on General Hospital—a role that is, in itself, an act of mysterious performance art. Franco returns to the daytime soap on September 20, picking up a storyline about his “hopelessly mad crush on beefy hit man Jason Morgan” in what’s being described as a “long-term” arc, despite the fact that the show’s L.A. shooting schedule seemingly conflicts with his commitment to Broadway’s Sweet Bird Of Youth, his role in Oz The Great And Powerful, his upcoming biopic on Sal Mineo, his plans to develop films based on the writings of Cormac McCarthy and William Faulkner, his course on James Franco, his ongoing pursuit of two separate doctorates, and the period set aside for the general dispersal of his molecular structure through all the elemental forces of nature, as has been so since time immemorial. As with previous appearances on General Hospital, Franco will handle this conundrum by just not being very good.